CHAPTER XIV
The great inquiry; beyond definitions; digging out the thorn; the battle; the teacher; mantras
Yama said, “Do you remember the question that Brahman asked when he started to dream?”
“Yes. Who am I?”
“And what happened then?”
“Everything became created.”
“Yes, time began. And when there exists time, there I also exist as Death. The great inquiry, or Self-inquiry, is the vehicle in which to go beyond time.”
“Please, dear Yama, explain the method of Self-inquiry that the sage speaks of.’
“Very well, listen carefully.
“It is the most subtle of teachings. There is no fat for which to chew upon, no games to get distracted in. Few can follow it to its destination.
“If you take hold of it no longer will I need to be your teacher and this dream ends. If not, well, the dream and more questions and more answers will continue.
“The mind tells you constantly who you are by having you focus on some problem the mind brings to you. For instance, the mind will play over and over again an argument you might have had with your wife, what was said, what you should have said, what you would liked to have said. All of which have the underlining definition that you are the husband of your wife, with an added good husband or bad husband pending on your actions.
“Of course, this is not the only underlining definition you’ll be unconsciously identifying your Self with.
“Wherever there exists a stress, a worry, fear, anxiety, repeated planning and review, the Self becomes forgotten and the mind has wrapped you in a definition.”
“You mean,” I said, “that if I worry about my son’s progress in school, I am believing I am his father? Or if I am worried about the stock market crashing and the loss of my wealth, I am identifying my Self as a rich man?”
“Yes. And you remember that any definition, any Self-identification with any role, traps you in time.
“Thus the Self-inquiry of the sage is to stop the mind immediately when it begins to ramble. As soon as a thought arises--any thought, whether great or trivial--you are to ask the question:
“To whom does this thought arise?
“Now if you let the mind answer the question you would receive all kinds of answers, so many definitions. That is why you do not let the mind run away with answering, and instead answer:
“To me. Who am I?
“Again the mind will try to give all kinds of answers by bringing up all kinds of thoughts. Yet as soon as a thought arises you repeat:
“To whom does this thought come? To me. Who am I?’
“Constantly you must keep vigilant, watching that trickster of the mind.
“Until the mind gives up the stories and the Unbounded Silence is the Answer.”
“Throughout the day one must keep up the inquiry?” I asked. “Even when working on a problem, for instance doing math or being a lawyer and working on a case?”
“If the mind is rightfully engaged in a task at hand then the mind is doing its work. It is serving by the use of its intelligence. And if you are established in the Self the mind works properly, automatically.
“Generally, for most of the day, you will be doing one thing while the mind is straying elsewhere, into the future, the past or to some fantasy.”
Yama gave me a hard stare with the last word, and I could feel the heat fill my face. Oh yes, I have definitely had my fill of fantasies.
“These become the times when the mind seduces, opening itself wide with all kinds of images. Immediately do the inquiry before the mind strings you along too far.”
“Just a minute. You say the mind is a trickster. Yet isn’t the mind being used for Self-
inquiry?” I asked.
“Yes, you are making the mind work for you and not you working for the mind.
“See this?”
*******
Yama showed me the palm of his hand. A large thorn stood deeply embedded in his palm, In his other hand he held an identical thorn.
“The thorn is the mind. For most people they exist impaled by the mind and suffer daily.”
“Yet if you asked most people,” I interjected, “well, at least those who live well off materially, they would not say that they suffered from their minds. They probably would tell
you that their minds got them to their high standing.”
“True, because they do not want to look at the thorn. The pain that the thorn inflicts is called normal by the thorn.
“I am supposed to be here, the thorn says, that is part of life. Sure there exists a little pain, but the pleasures I can get you--if you keep me in--will make you forget the pain.
“Yet for the wise one, who possesses no fear to look upon the thorn, who tires of living in suffering, who realizes how fleeting and deceptive are pleasures, he desires nothing more than to remove the thorn.”
With the thorn Yama held he began to dig out the embedded one. And after a little grimacing (no doubt for my benefit) and a little blood, the thorn came free.
“The wise,” continued Yama, “takes the mind firmly in hand and uses it to remove itself.”
“But what about the grimacing and the blood? It looks painful,” I asked.
“I will not lie to you and say it is easy; for the mind is barbed and deeply embedded.
“When you begin to dig you will find all sorts of thoughts, definitions and stories buried inside. You might see thoughts that you would have only associated with the most despicable of the world, and the mind will whisper: See what you are?
“And it only gets worse if you keep digging.
“However not only horrid thoughts will you uncover, like curses waiting for a grave robber to take revenge upon, you may also release thoughts of such immense beauty or genius that you would only have associated with the greatest figures.
“And the mind will whisper:
“Yes, that’s right, you too stand with the great ones. Enjoy the glory, do great things. No need to dig any further.
“Thus one grimaces at seeing such horrible things, then one grimaces at letting go of those wonderful thoughts.”
“And the blood?” I asked.
“The blood is the battle. The mind does not want to let go of its position of authority.
“Here, let me show you this war. Brace yourself; it will not be pleasant.”
If Yama warned that what lay ahead might not be pleasant, I braced myself.
*******
In his way, the way of dreams, the scenery changed. We stood in a muddy trench, the stench of death everywhere. Next to us crouched wide-eyed soldiers wearing what I recognized were World War I uniforms. And then I realized so did we, only our uniforms were those of officers.
“What?” I began to stutter before Yama ducked down, pulling me with him.
“Get ready,” he said excitedly. “They’re charging!”
A trumpet blew and a yell from across the field shattered the silence. The men to either side of us began to fire rifles and machine guns.
“What do I do?” I yelled.
“Just shoot the machine gun and I will feed you the bullets.”
I began shooting slowly, scrutinizing all the charging soldiers individually and shooting only the ones who looked the meanest or the ugliest.
Yet doing so, many of the attacking soldiers jumped into our trench and bayoneted our men.
“Stop looking at them like that. Who cares if some of them are pleasant to look at?” Yama yelled over the noise of battle. “Both will kill us. Just shoot!”
And so I did. I mowed them down all over the bloody field, until nothing moved at all, my gun glowing red.
I slumped down on the side of the trench, exhausted.
Suddenly several enemy soldiers jumped into our trench and began shooting and impaling our soldiers. Yama cut them down with his sword.
“Keep vigilant!” he shouted at me between sword blows.
“I looked over the side and saw the whole field covered with the charging enemy, as many as before. On and on I kept firing, Yama now holding the bullet belt as he fed my machine gun. At last all lay dead.
“Keep vigilant,” he warned.
Sure enough pockets of the enemy rose out of their trench. However, if I kept vigilance and shot them as they struggled out of their trench, I found keeping them back much easier and less tiring. My weapon did not overheat either.
After a while an occasional soldier would pop up his head, and I quickly dispatched him.
Until no soldiers came out at all.
A great cheer erupted from our side. Victory! We had won!
*******
“Look!” cried one of our men.
What looked like a general and a group of handsome officers approached, waving a white flag.
“Shoot them! Yama cried. “Shoot them now!”
“Yama, I can’t shoot them. They’re holding a flag of truce.”
“You’ll be sorry,” Yama said under his breath as I told some men to bring the officers here.
The general and his men spoke our language perfectly and acted very affably. They said they were mine to command as I seemed to be the ranking officer of my side. I had them clear the dead and begin cleaning our trenches out. I had some of my men watch them while others I had guarding the front lest there might be some surprise attack.
“There exists no more of my men, I can reassure you,” said the general to me as he noticed what I was doing. “Your scouts have seen no enemy. Let us help make this a better place so we can all enjoy it here and relax. To live in peace and fight no more.”
Since no enemy seemed to be left anymore I let the general bring forth some ideas. Soon, instead of mud trenches my men and his officers built wooden sides and floors. They even made some nice quarters to sleep in. He taught us exercises to keep us fit; he started a chess tournament to sharpen our wits and created a choir to keep up our spirits.
At first I still maintained guards to monitor the front, but after getting to know these fine fellows and hearing their promises that the war was over, I let everyone join in. We all became very happy together.
All the while, Yama kept a stern visage about him. So immersed I had become in this drama I had completely forgotten why we had come here in the first place, and I began to see Yama as not my teacher but as an officer of a lower rank. I would even call him a kill-joy at times, at which he replied with only the lifting of his eye brows.
And then it happened.
Night had fallen and guards stood watch. Then yells shattered the night and a host of the enemy charged amongst us, slashing with bayonets.
My men fell everywhere. We stood defenseless.
I saw the general and the other officers gleefully hacking up my men. All my men lay dead and the general rushed at me.
All I could do was to yell for Yama. The trench in front of me exploded in a roar and a flash.
All of the enemy lay dead when the smoke cleared.
Yama walked up to me, hand grenades with strange letters strapped about his chest.
“Get to your post!” he commanded. “The war is not over.”
Hundreds of the enemy came screaming at us. I shot the machine gun while he threw his bombs. Throughout the night we fought until silence met us in the morning.
*******
“Have you learned anything from all this?” he asked.
“To listen to you?” I said sheepishly, exhausted from the battle.
“To listen to one’s teacher is wise, true. Then again, this lesson would not have followed if you had listened to me in the first place.
“What I meant by the question was why this battle? Why did we fight in the first place?”
The exhaustion from the fight had made my brain feel frozen in place. I just stared at him speechless awhile.
“It was about the blood when you pulled out the thorn,” I managed to say as I looked around at all the bloody corpses.
“Yes, you have now witnessed and participated in the war of the mind.
“The embedded thorn was the enemy and the freeing thorn was our side. The machine gun you manned was Self-inquiry and you were shooting down the thoughts the mind sent to overwhelm you.
“What happened when you picked and chose the enemy, those thoughts?”
“I could not pick and choose without allowing many to reach our trench,” I answered.
“So what did you do then?”
“I just shot anyone who moved, which proved far more successful.”
“And thus it is with Self-inquiry. Every thought must be shot down. And as soon as they arise, or the field will soon be swarming with thoughts before you know what has happened.
“How was your attitude through the battle?” Yama continued.
“I was intense. I fought for my life as well as for the others.”
“You should do Self-inquiry with the same intensity; for you are fighting for real freedom, for your life.”
“Throughout the whole day I should be shooting down all rising thoughts?” I asked. “It seems exhausting.”
“Shoot down every thought, especially during those times with eyes closed that are set aside daily for Self-inquiry.
“And as you become more proficient during those times, do it here and there throughout the day, until every moment--except when the mind is serving to accomplish a task--you are shooting down every thought.
“For if you try to man the gun for the whole day right away, like the gun, your brain will overheat and you will give up the practice.
“What is most important is that you do the Self-inquiry with intensity, because finding the Answer of who you are is the greatest accomplishment; while, at the same time needing to be as calm as I was in the trenches due to the knowing that you are already the Answer, and that there is nothing to lose.”
*******
“Do you want to know the greatest secret?” Yama looked intently at me.
“Yes, dear teacher, please tell the greatest secret.”
“Knowing who you are is the only reason you have an earthly body--unless, you are one of the ones who return to remind deluded minds about who they are. That is why the inquiry is all important.”
“Because I did not shoot down everyone as you instructed me to do--for instance, the general and his men--that was my big mistake, yes?” I asked, starting to grasp what Yama was teaching and digesting the experience.
“Correct. When you set out to do Self-inquiry, to dive into the reason for being, no quarter can be given, no matter how pleasing the thought is. Because once you let in a thought, it will put you off guard by diverting your attention from Self-inquiry, and will get you engaged in all kinds of distractions.
“Once you have been infiltrated by the out-going mind, you are in its power, and all the forces of the mind will come pouring forth.
“And the quest becomes long forgotten.”
“Yes, I think I understand. For by allowing the mind in and allowing it to move about, without any vigilance on my part, by the time it attacked again to reclaim its control, I could not even do Self-inquiry.
“All I could do was cry for help.”
“And so your teacher came.
“Remember that. Because Truth wants to be known and that I am one with Truth, Truth sent me.
“The Truth of who you are will always send some form to help you when you cry out.
“The true Guru always hears the devotee’s call.”
“What were the bombs you threw, those ones with the strange-looking writing upon them?” I asked.
“Mantras or incantations, you might say. They can be most effective in subduing the mind, or quieting it.
“When Self-inquiry becomes too difficult, with the mind swirling around like a tempest, use mantras, especially those given by one who abides in the Self.”
*******
We sat in the Silence awhile. I chewed over his words and reviewed my experience.
“When I manned the machine gun, or did Self-inquiry, I could only do it a short time alone; otherwise, I would run out of bullets,” I said.
“That’s true.”
“You were needed to help me.”
“Correct.”
“Well, what does that mean in the daily use of Self-inquiry?” I asked.
“My help was the grace of the Guru, of the Self, of God, whatever you may want to say.
“By your effort you received grace.
“And by grace you could continue to do your effort.”
“Is the Guru necessary for finding the Truth?”
“In the beginning you can go fairly far without a guru; but soon you will reach a dead end. Then an outer teacher is needed.
“Why an outer, you might ask? Because you believe you are a form and a personality. So you can really only identify with the Truth as having a form and a personality.
“Then this outer one will lead you to the true Guru, the I AM that abides within.
“It is said that when a man is guided by himself he is guided by a fool. Few are guided by the Self and the mind is a trickster that is not easily subdued.”
We sat some more in the trench, looking out at the quiet field. New men had replaced the fallen ones on our side, removing the dead bodies from the trench.
“This quiet is very peaceful,” I said. “I could stay forever in it.”
“Yes’ it is peaceful. But not true Peace of the Self. It is only peaceful in contrast to the war with the mind.
“With any contrast there exists duality. And to find your Self, which is the One Self of All, there cannot be two.
“Close your eyes; I want to show you something.”
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